Once Upon A Time… I Used to Write Blogs…

blog, self exploration, soul development

Once Upon A Time… I Used to Write Blogs…

I used to write these weekly blogs back in the MySpace days… I used to want to take whatever I was going through, what youth were dealing with, along with my observations of life and society, and just try to intellectually express it. I wanted to do this while challenging people to think differently or deeper. I wanted people to have hope – believe in love – and know their self-worth. I saw things very clear back then with an unwavering confidence, like the world’s heavyweight champion that could not be taken down….

I found some of the blogs today and this particular one below was written on July 15, 2006. As I read it, I wondered about all that has happened since then, how many fights and battles I have faced, how many knockdowns I have picked myself up from, and where this “hal” has gone. This seems like a million years ago. I remember that week in particular as if it was yesterday. I remember every thought, moment, and feeling. I am not that same person anymore, nor do I think I can write like this anymore, but I will share this – – I have been writing a book – sort of – everyday for the past 5 or 6 months on some of the insights and emotions I am experiencing lately. I have about 150 pages so far, and if I am right about my future, both personally and with WOO, then this will be a very profound and spiritual prologue to a good story… and if I am wrong, well then its trash and will get tossed in the circular file along with my other writings.

In the meantime, here is the infamous 71506 blog, starting with a bit of OD of quotes (I was obsessed with quotes then), and the blog to follow. Have some retro fun…. and who knows, maybe there is some magic power in these words to still reach some of you….

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing. Watch you smile while you are sleeping, while you’re far away and dreaming. I could spend my life in this sweet surrender. I could stay lost in this moment forever. Well, every moment spent with you, is a moment I treasure. I don’t wanna close my eyes. I don’t wanna fall asleep causeI’d miss you, baby and I don’t wanna miss a thing, ‘Cause even when I dream of you, the sweetest dream would never do. I’d still miss you, baby and I don’t wanna miss a thing -Aerosmith(I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing – Armageddon Soundtrack)

Turn your pretty red-head babe… I’m already asking, I’m down on my knees. I’m already begging, begging you please. Can you teach me how to fly cause see I’m scared to die and I’ve only just begun to learn to crawl? Can you teach me how to fight? You can keep me up all night. Would you be there on the ground if I should fall? Fall for you. 
-Black Lab (Learn to Crawl– Spiderman Soundtrack)

Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you. It’s not that I want you not to say, but if you only knew how easy it would be to show me how you feel. More than words is all you have to do to make it real. Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me cause I’d already know. What would you do if my heart were torn in two? More than words to show you feel that your love for me is real. What would you say if I took those words away? Then you couldn’t make things new just by saying I love you. More than words. -Extreme (More than Words)

Could you see I want you by the way I push you away? Don’t judge me tomorrow by the way I’m acting today. Mix the words up with the actions do it all for your reaction. Get tangled up in me. You wanna know more, more, more about me. Gotta know reverse psychology. I’m the reason why you can’t get to sleep. I’m the girl you never get just quite what you see. -Skye Sweetnam (Tangled Up in Me)

Miss independent. Miss self-sufficient. Miss keep your distance. Miss unafraid. Miss out of my way.Miss don’t let a man interfere, no. Miss on her own. Miss almost grown. Miss never let a man help her off her throne. So, by keeping her heart protected,she’ll never, ever feel rejected. Little miss apprehensive, Said ooh, she fell in love. What is this feeling taking over? Thinking no one could open the door.Surprise, it’s time, to feel what’s real. What happened to miss independent’s no longer need to be defensive? Goodbye, old you, when love, is true 
-Kelly Clarkson (MissIndependent)

Close your eyes and hope that no one else will see. You realize exactly what you’ll never be. This time the curtain’s landing on you. Someday I’m gonna see this come true. Back then,when we were friends to the end, you promised we’d always be. 
-Default (Blind –Spiderman Soundtrack)

You have brought me to that moment where words run dry, to that moment 
where speech disappears into silence, silence . . . I have come here, hardly knowing the reason why . In my mind, I’ve already imagined our bodies entwining defenseless and silent – and now I am here with you: no second thoughts, I’ve decided, decided . . . Past the point of no return no going back now: our passion-play has now, at last, begun . . . Past all thought of right or wrong – one final question: how long should we two wait, before we’re one . . .? When will the blood begin to race the sleeping bud burst into bloom? When will the flames, at last, consume us . . .?            -Phantom of the Opera (ThePoint of No Return)

A zombie hides my face. Shell forgotten with its memories. Diaries left 
with cryptic entries, and you don’t need to bother; I don’t need to be. I’ll keep slipping farther but once I hold on, I won’t let go ’til it bleeds -Corey Taylor (Bother –Spiderman Soundtrack)

Trials in life, questions of us existing here, don’t wanna die alone without you here. Please tell me what we have is real. So, what if I never hold you, yeah, or kiss your lips again? So I never want to leave you and the memories of us to see. 
I beg don’t leave me. Seize the day or die regretting the time you lost. -Avenged Sevenfold (Seize the Day)

Imagine me trying too hard to put you from my mind. Recall those days. Look back on all those times. Think of the things we’ll never do. There will never be a day whenI won’t think of you 
-Phantom of the Opera (Think of Me)

Mamma mia, here I go again. My my, how can I resist you? Mamma mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I’ve missed you. Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted. Blue since the day we parted. Why, why did I ever let you go? 
Mamma mia, now I really know, My my, I could never let you go. -Abba (Mama Mia)

And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you’re going to fall, Tell ’em a hookah smoking caterpillar has given you the call. CallAlice when she was just small. When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead and the White Knight is talking backwards, and the Red Queen’s off with her head, remember what the Dormousesaid: “Feed your Head. Feed your Head!” -Jefferson Airplane (WhiteRabbit) (This is a tough quote. Anyone want to take a shot on translation?*)

Time don’t give a damn about tomorrow. Time don’t really care about no yesterdays. Time is only watching all the pain we bear, all of the joy we share. Do we care? Time to wonder. As I look at all the faces I’ve just got to stop and wonder what are we searching for? Take a look around all the time we’re wasting. Take a look around and know that you’re just passing through.Will you find the truth, that light inside the darkness? Will it ever come tobe that you’ll find the key that will set you free? -Lionel Richie (Time)

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high andsteal your pain away. I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well. 
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ‘cause I’m broken when I’m open and I don’t feel like I am strong enough ‘cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome and I don’t feel light when you’re gone away. The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away. There’s so much left to learn. -Seether (Broken)

Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans” 
-John Lennon (BeautifulBoy)

Life can be so difficult sometimes-right verses wrong, good verses evil, love, truth, reality, anger, pain and pressure. What is it all about and what are we all about? Is it in a moment? Is it in a song? Does life impact our souls or do our souls dictate our lives? When do we stop and say, “This is it!This is the deal… this is the truth… this is how I want to live my life!”, and actually do it?

What does one do when they feel insecure about their emotions? How do we handle our aggression that is caused by this sense of insecurity? How do we handle our emotions when we don’t know how to finalize our thoughts, or feel stuck? What do we do when we get angry or controlling because we are fighting to have more control in our lives? Is the answer in spending time alone with your thoughts and feelings, showing that you are in control of your feelings? Is it in your attitude? Is it in your ability to be optimistic instead of fearful? Is it about taking the time, to build inner confidence and courage? Is it about thinking or spending time alone, and taking care of yourself in order to build an inner sense of security that can calm you in any situation? I know easier said than done. What does someone do when he or she don’t know how to build that sense of security within. Are you asking, why are there so many questions in this first paragraph? It is because life is a question mark and we are all searching for the answers. Each one of us has a story, a wish, a dream, a desire and it all overlaps and impacts one anther in one way or another. How do we deal with this entire thing we call life, going on around us? How do we manage everyone’s feelings and emotions so that we are all treated equally and fairly and have the ability to happily obtain our dreams? How do we choose the right reaction to effectively deal with life?
Developing our inner confidence and security I believe is a part of comprehending this delicate balance we all face on a daily basis. Confidence gives us the strength to overcome any challenge. Our feelings of insecurity or taking risks in life often result from the belief that we have no control over our circumstances, and we try to gain control by being aggressive or running from our true feelings. If we could focus on building our inner confidence and courage, we may suddenly feel empowered to handle certain situations or even better yet, be true to our hearts and ourselves. Obviously we cannot all be in control of every situation we find ourselves in and the outcome, but we can control how we react to these situations and how we deal with all the things that come and go from our lives. If we change our mindset to think like this, we can build our inner confidence and face any challenge we choose to take on,no matter how difficult and insurmountable it may seem to overcome.

By the way, if I am not making sense, please excuse this blog. I know what messages I am trying to convey, however I am exhausted and beyond the ability to focus. If I am making sense, then continue to stay with me, because I have a few more topics to discuss that are on my mind.

Earlier I mentioned anger, and the inability to handle our emotions. Pausing to consider the intention behind our words, our lack of using words,can help us clarify sending a message we want to send to another in a positive and healthy way. Anger, or lack of communication, more often than not, will only confuse the person on the receiving end of the message. We may not intend to be hurtful or overbearing in our interactions with others, but our enthusiasm or haste can often cause us to speak before we think. If we instead take just a few moments to clarify our true message mentally before conveying it verbally, we will greatly enhance our ability to communicate in positive ways. On the same hand, holding on to a message because of one’s difficulty in working through their emotions can also lead to confusion and pain. Words are and can be so powerful. People can be inspired by our words and at the same time create much pain. Once again, how do we balance it all? Your communication with others can become meaningful and powerful if you first consider what you truly want to say, and stay true to your heart.

So, what stops us from living in the moment? What stops us from being true to who we are? True to hearts? What holds back our confidence? Is it the fact that we live in the past? Does the past hold us down? The passage from one second to the next is a miracle in its own right and worthy of being savored.Yet our minds tend to wander away from the present, preferring to stay stuck in the past or stay stuck because we fear the future. There is nothing wrong with revisiting our personal histories or dreaming about what we hope will occur with the passing of time, but it is dangerous if we stay stuck in one or the other for a lengthy period of time. To live a truly balanced life is to simultaneously embody the past, present, and future self. If you are stuck in only one of those three you are only dealing with one “entity” of your life. Living in the moment and making the most of the truth that is in front of you daily is so important and when the ability to do this is overshadowed by the past and future, we must consciously look inside our selves and reconnect to the present. Living in the moment empowers you to discover and appreciate what is beautiful about this unique moment in time. If you open yourself to it and embrace it, it can take you to a happiness that will make you ponder why you didn’t do this earlier.

Lets face it. Our lives are so complex and full that we tend to focus on the big picture rather than the single moments, laughs, smiles, tears, glances,conversations, emails and cups of coffee, that make up that picture. Individual moments are often lost among the day’s clutter, and we are overwhelmed by the burdens, tasks, and responsibilities we must face. To cope, we may spend much of our time recalling the bliss or pain the past held or anticipate or run from the blessings the future will bring. However, while life is often demanding and hectic, it is still made up of all these single moments that each one, separate and alone, carries so much power and delight. Name the last moment that may seem insignificant to the average person and share in this blog your comprehension of that moment as it relates to the message I am trying to convey here. Was it a talk with someone on the phone? A barbecue? A joke shared with a friend? A text message that made you smile? A look into the eyes of someone you adore and love? Was it the caress of a hand during a romantic song?Perhaps it was a long conversation with a friend?

This is easier said than done. Grounding yourself in the present is simply a matter of practice. Focusing on life’s little joys and treasuring everything you do will help you learn to focus with all your heart those truths that are right in front of us. It will help us to also release our anger because our footing wont be so firmly planted in the past or fearing the consequences of the future.Living in the moment means immersing yourself fully in every experience,whether positive or negative. It means taking risks with your heart and embracing the things that may scare you. As you learn to embrace these treasured moments, I think you will see that the beauty of our world is the sum of all of these single moments.

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